As You Like Like It

Notes on the complexities of like liking someone. @asyoulikelikeit
  • It wasn’t always this way. You used to go out. You used to find that story they told interesting and funny.  You guys would do activities together, and buy shit together and hanging out seemed better than doing anything else.  But then you woke up one day and that thing that used to be awesome was replaced with a staggering, dead eyed, brain eating shadow if its former self that not only wants to eat you alive but also never does their dishes and does this shit where they laugh at their own jokes before they even finish telling them. Its like your relationship started out as the first season of LOST and you were all like THIS IS SO FUCKING AWESOME, I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT EPISODE, EACH CHARACTER IS UNIQUE AND INTERESTING IN THEIR OWN WAY.  And then once you got to the later seasons you were like WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING I HATE EVERYONE WHY IS THERE TIME TRAVEL. 

    The point is, even though it LOOKS and FEELS like the thing you loved, its not.  Its a hissing, bloody, death rattle of a show that hasn’t been good in years, and you best put one in its head and get the fuck outta there. Cause lying to yourself ain’t gonna save shit.

  • When you hook up with someone you know and may run into on a regular basis but don’t want to do it again, a different set of rules apply.  That random dude you met at the bar? You definitely do not need to respond to his 2am “what up girl?” text.  That chick you met in Cabo? Facebook friend request DENIED. But if you do it with a friend and you decided you don’t want to do it anymore, the blow off, aka the freeze out, won’t work.  Because they’re totally gonna be at that party, BBQ, and/or intimate birthday dinner this weekend, and fuck, what if they bring it up?  What if they’re mad? What if they like like me and I only like them? The only respectable thing to do is just be honest, because if you let that shit linger, all its gonna do is make things worse.  Think of it like gangrene.  You get your leg cut up on the battlefield, you can’t just put it back in the boot, you gotta CUT THAT SHIT OFF.  Otherwise that infection of expectation and responsibility is just going to get into your blood stream and kill your ass.  Sure, Kevin Costner did it in DANCES WITH WOLVES but you are not Kevin Costner (no one is).  So just say how you feel up front and cut it off. The quicker that happens, the quicker we can all just go back to being friends.

  • Acoustic shit: good for expressing sadness and getting laid.

  • I know what you’re thinking. No, its not.  But it is.  If you’re a hot chick, dude’s want to bone you. All the time.  Great, right? Actually, not great. Because you think “oh man, I must be so awesome all these dudes are hitting on me, yes!” And then they sleep with you and don’t call you and you’re like “wait…”  So, they think you’re hot, and they want to bone you, but they aren’t into you as a person. AND ITS A TOTAL MIND FUCK FOR A CHICK.  And guys wonder why chicks are crazy. Because even if they’re hot and stupid they’re looking for a “When Harry Met Sally” moment and all you’re giving them is a “Harry Met Sally and They Boned and Sorry I’m Over It.”  So hot chicks don’t know the difference. They can’t tell if its “I want to fuck you” or “I want to fuck you and also I like you.”  So when they do crazy shit, this is why.

    Its also bad for hot dudes. If you’re a hot dude and you’re nice to chicks, they automatically think you like like them. ALWAYS. “Girl, did you see how he asked me how my day was? He’s so into me!” And even if you’re not into them, they will have SERIOUS attitude about who you date.  “Oh she’s stupid,” or “oh, whatever I guess she’s nice but, come on, he can do better.” So you’re fucked. Its like you become an asshole just because you’re hot and chicks are into you and you don’t know how to manage the intake.  Bottom line, hot chicks and dudes are people too, give them a break. They’re just as worried about figuring it out as you are.

  • Remember the moment in black and white.

  • Chicks like dudes who ask questions.